MSN with the cullens
by 1-of-thos-twilight-pipol
Summary: the title says it all
1. announcement

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight (unfortunately). It's Stephenie Meyer's**

MSN with the Cullens

Klutzyhumannowvampire– bella

Sexyvamp4ever – Edward

Lilpixievamp – alice

Emotionaldude – jasper

Blondiebarbie – Rosalie

Muscularbearguy – Emmett

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_Klutzyhumannowvampire and sexyvamp4ever has signed in_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: hi Edward!

Sexyvamp4ever: hi bella. Uh… why are we on MSN??

Klutzyhumannowvampire: well because it's another way of communication and it's the 21st century, every does it!

Sexyvamp4ever: ok but we're in the same room, but if it makes you happy…

Klutzyhumannowvampire: thanks Edward

_lipixievamp has signed in_

Lilpixievamp: hi bella, hi Edward. I'm going to join you

Sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumanmpwvampire: hi alice. ok

Lilpixievamp: Rosalie and Emmett are going to sign in a few minutes later and they have announcement

Sexyvamp4ever: ah ok. Don't they get tired of all of it at all?(sigh)

Klutzthumannowvampire: what? What's going on?

Sexyvamp4ever: later you'll see

_Emotionaldude has signed in_

Emotionaldude: pheww…that was just eurgh…disgusting…

Sexyvamp4ever: oh jasper…you're right that's disgusting… I pity you

Klutzyhumannowvampire: what? What now? Edward? :(

Lilpixievamp: here they come

_Blondiebarbie and muscularbearguy has signed in_

Blondiebarbie: everyone, we have an announcement to make…

Lilpixievamp: I told you

Blondiebarbie: alice, did you tell them anything? =[

Liklpixievamp: no I just warned I mean told them that you had an announcement

Blondiebarbie: well you better not have… anyway we are getting married

Muscularbearguy: yeah it's true, we are…again

Blondiebarbie: don't complain Emmett, you told me you'd give anything for my birthday and I wanted a wedding so shut up or our honeymoon will be shortened

Muscularbearguy: ok whatever

Blondiebarbie: ok. Alice you can do my wedding of course and bella you can help her. Edward and jasper you can go get the limo and the things that we need for the honeymoon…

Lilpixievamp: thanks rose, do you have a theme that you'd want in particular?

Blondiebarbie: as if you haven't seen yet

Lilpixievamp: well I've actually seen quite a lot of them rose, you need to make up your mind

Blondiebarbie: ok ok. I want like Moulin rouge ok. Party like and all that.

Lilpixievamp: now how did I know you'd choose that?

klutzyhumannowvampire: their gonna have a wedding...? again? i dont understand wat's wrong with that

sexyvamp4ever: rose an em have had a lot of weddings bella... 22 or 23 maybe

klutzyhumannowvampire: oh...WOW

_Everyone signs out_

**I hope you enjoy this. The funniest bits are yet to come so I'm gonna need reviews if anyone wants more. Dude I only have one! That's not very encouraging!**


	2. the fit

_Sexyvamp4ever and emotional dude has signed in_

Sexyvamp4ever: ok, now we've taken care of the limo, we need to get what they need for their honeymoon…

Emotionaldude: oh the joy

Sexyvamp4ever: I wonder what they are?

Emotionaldude: well I have some in mind…

Sexyvamp4ever: really? Whoa…whips and hand cuffs…??...

Emotionaldude: yeah I know. This morning just before I went on MSN, I was looking for Emmett. I thought he would be in his room so I walked in. I didn't bother to knock and they were testing there…err…toys.

Sexyvamp4ever: uhh jasper. That's a very bad image, quite literally. Next time I think we should all knock when we need to go in either of their bedrooms.

Emotionaldude: I agree

Sexyvamp4ever: ok r you ready?

Emotionaldude: no but Rosalie will kill us if we don't get them. We don't really have a choice:[

Sexyvamp4ever: ok… I'll take that as a yes

_Sexyvamp4ever and emotionaldude has signed out_

_lilpixievamp and klutzyhumannowvampire has signed in_

klutzyhumannowvampire: hi alice, so how's the prep doing?

Lilpixievmap: fine I guess, Rosalie has so many demands. I don't think being a super fast vampire helps. I need to do a lot!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: do you need any help?

Lilpixievamp: yeah try and think like Rosalie and give on your opinion for the flowers??...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: err… I don't think I can nail it but I'll try. Really dark red roses with some a hint of black inside??...

Lilpixievamp: yeah that's what I thought too but Rosalie isn't so sure about it. Every time I ask her something, I keep seeing flashes if the wedding would be okay with my suggestions applied. Then I'll describe it to her in full detail but she just seems to see flaws in each of them. It's so stressing!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: but Edward said that this is their 22nd or 23rd wedding… so shouldn't you have a clear view of what she wants?

Lilpixievamp: well yeah but this is the biggest wedding I've ever planned for her and every wedding has a different theme so…

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh…

_Blondiebarbie has signed in_

Blondiebarbie: there you are alice! Shouldn't you be preparing my wedding? We only have 3 days you know? Oh hi bella.

Lilpixievamp: I am, I'm asking bella's opinion about flowers and she's helping me with the other things

Blondiebarbie: oh okay. So what have you decided?

Lilpixievamp: well we both agreed that really dark red roses would suit the theme perfectly. Do you think so?

Blondiebarbie: well I've already had them in my 17th wedding and I don't like repetition –

Lilpixievamp: oh I have had enough! If you don't like what I suggest, go get another wedding planner! Come on bella let's go shopping.

Blondiebarbie: what!? No! you're the best alice and how am I going to find a wedding planner?!

Lilpixievamp: well tough! Let's go bella, I know when my ideas aren't appreciated!

Blondiebarbie: arghhh..(shrieking) (screaming, having a fit) you can't do this to me alice!

_Lilpixievamp and klutzyhumannowvampire has signed out_


	3. crazy!

Character addition

Esme – motherhen

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_Blondiebarbie is still signed in_

Blondiebarbie : alice can't do this to me. ho w am I suppose to do my wedding without any help? Huhh.. I can't do it by myself…wait… I can do it by myself. After all it's my wedding and I know what I want so it would be really easy. Yes I'll do it by myself. Maybe esme can help me with some things, or Emmett I could boss him around. :D haha

_Motherhen has signed in_

Motherhen: hi dear, how's the wedding going?

Blondiebarbie: oh fine, it's good. Alice backed out but I don't really care, I can do this better than her

Motherhen: really? Are you sure you're ok? Don't you need any help?

Blondiebarbie: yeah, yeah. Do you want to help me? I want your opinion on the dress. I did this sketch and I need your comments.

Motherhen: ok. Let's see it then. Oh that's nice but I think the bow is a little bit too big and I don't think the colours really go together but the design is good.

Blondiebarbie: what do you mean the bow is too big!? And the colours clashing? They're fine! It's perfect!

Motherhen: well it's just what I think dear and we have quite different opinions on things. Besides, if you think it's perfect why did you need my opinion?

Blondiebarbie: well I just wanted to know if anyone liked it and if people will be awestruck of my presence as I walk down the aisle. I guess your opinion wasn't really needed. Sorry. It's just that this wedding is making me stressed.

Motherhen: well it's quite ok, are you sure you're ok. Because I can't help you with this at the moment because they have problems in Denali and I said would come and help them so I would be away for 3 days but I will be back in time for your wedding. And of course with your wedding gift with me.

Blondiebarbie: oh right. Another person backing out. Great

Motherhen: I'm really sorry Rosalie, you said you were ok so…

Blondiebarbie: no it's ok esme you can go. I'm sure they need your help more than I do

_Motherhen has signed out and sexyvamp4ever and emotionaldude has signed in_

Sexyvamp4ever: umm…we've taken care of the limo and you're ummm…stuff Rosalie

Blondiebarbie: oh good. Hahaha LOL

Emotionaldude: Rosalie, are you okay?

Blondiebarbie: why does everyone ask me that! I'm fine! Jeesh!

Emotionaldude: okaaayy… have you seen alice?

Sexyvamp4ever: or bella?

Blondiebarbie: how should I know?! They left me! And I don't like any of them so whatever…ahahahahaha LOL

Sexyvamp4ever: oh okay…

Blondiebarbie: well I have to prepare my wedding now. If you see Emmett tell him I was looking for him ok… ahahahaha lol

_Blondiebarbie has signed out_

Emotionaldude: Edward

Sexyvamp4ever: I know jazz, I felt it too

Sexyvamp4ever and emotionaldude: rosalie's gone mad

Emotionaldude: do you think this wedding's gonna be alright

Sexyvamp4ever: I don't know but for everyone's ears sake I hope it does

Emotionaldude:you have a point, but I don't think it will turn out right. Not with her as crazy as a headless chicken

Sexyvamp4ever: (sigh)

_Klutzyhumannowvampire has signed in_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: hi Edward, jasper:D :D :D

Sexyvamp4ever and emotionaldude: hi bella

Sexyvamp4ever: I've been looking for you

Klutzyhumannowvampire: really? Me too :D:D:D:D

Sexyvamp4ever: why were you looking for me?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: well, now that Rosalie doesn't need me can we go to Italy? :D:D:D:D

Sexyvamp4ever: what? Why?!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: I want... umm… I WANT TO RIDE A PLANE!!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: bella what have you been doing?

Klutzyhumannovampire: shopping with alice

Emotionaldude: uh-oh. I think alice introduced her to the magic mushblood(magic mushroom and blood)

Sexyvamp4ver: uh no, not the magic mushblood, no wonder why she's this hyper

Emotionaldude: well that means alice had some too. I'd better find her before she tries to make out with some stranger again…and end up killing them

Sexyvamp4ever: oh I could still remember the last one, carlisle was really upset. we better lock them in the garage that should prevent them from going anywhere

Klutzyhumannowvampire: EDDYWARD!!!!!! I WANNA RIDE A PLANE!!!!! Pweety pleaseeeeee….

Emotionaldude: yeah I think we need to do that, fast! get the titanium chains!

_Emotionaldude, sextvamp4ever and klutzyhumannowvampire has signed out_


	4. i dont know:

Character addition

Aro –reallyoldvolturileader

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_Emotionaldude and sexyvamp4ever has signed in_

Emotionaldude: that was lucky, I thought we would never find alice

Sexyvamp4ever: I know, she was chasing that little human, he must have been REALLY freaked out!!

Emotionaldude: I don't know what would have happened if she caught up with him, poor guy.

Sexyvamp4ever: well I guess we need to ban her from getting anymore of magic mushblood (magic mushroom with blood). Well… after she calms down. That reminds me, are they tied up well?

Emotionaldude: well I guess so. Alice couldn't move. It must be real tight.

Sexyvamp4ever: I really hate doing this to her, and now bell too. (sigh)

Emotionaldude: me too, I really love alice but her habits are just… well over the top

Sexyvamp4ever: yeah… well that's alice

_Muscularbearguy and blondiebarbie has signed in but blondiebarbie is invisible _

Muscularbearguy: hello my brothers!

Sexyvamp4ever: hi Emmett. How's your wedding going?

Muscularbearguy: well, to be honest, I don't really know. Rosalie is doing it all and I don't really care

Emotionaldude: what do you mean you don't care? It's your wedding

Muscularbearguy: I don't care because I don't really want another wedding. I'm tired of all this thing do I look the kind of person who would want a wedding? Besides we've had 22 already! How many does she want?

Sexyvamp4ever: well you know Rosalie, she wants a big party and being the centre of attention…

Emotionaldude: oh yeah that reminds me, Rosalie was looking for you

Muscularbearguy: probably to boss me around again. (sigh) anything for her. I'd better go then.

Sexyvamp4ever:Wait we'll come with you

Muscularbearguy: kk

_Muscularbearguy, sexyvamp4ever and emotional dude has signed out_

_Blondiebarbie is visible_

Blondiebarbie: (sobbing) I didn't know he didn't want this, I'm so stupid. But I need to do this, I've already started it and I'm finishing it. Hahaha… I can do this. Ohhhh and he'd do it for me anyway… hahahaha :D o yeah I need to send an invite to the volturi, aro would be pleased to be in my wedding again…

Reallyoldvolturileader has signed in

Reallyoldvolturileader: hello Rosalie….

Blondiebarbie: JEESHH!!! Don't do that aro, I was just thinking of you…

Reallyoldvolturileader: well that's weird… you were thinking of _me??_

Blondiebarbie: not like that aro! Oh… uh… sorry

Reallyoldvolturileader: it's quite okay.

Blondiebarbie: oh I was gonna send you an invite to my wedding but as you are here, I'll just invite you now…LOL

Reallyoldvolturileader: oh thank you, another wedding.. whats so funny?

Blondiebarbie: I don't know… LOL it's just funny.. I don't know what it is… wait why are you in my contacts? I didn't add you…

Reallyoldvolturileader: oh Rosalie, I so added you last week!

Blondiebarbie: really?..LOL weird but MSN? Don't you like have old traditions or something??

Reallyoldvolturileader: Rosalie… everyone has MSN, so would the almighty leader of the volturi miss out on that?

Blondiebarbie: huh.. weird. I didn't think you'd have one…LOL

Reallyoldvolturileader: are you saying that I'm old fashioned Rosalie???

Blondiebarbie: well no…. but you are old

Reallyoldvolturileader: grrrr..oh that is it! You should be thankful this is all virtual stuff and the readers wouldn't like you being torn to pieces.. well maybe some do… but if I kill you now, the story ends so I won't! And don't expect me to come in your crappy wedding! Stupid blonde!

Blondiebarbie: ------(speechless)(kind of afraid)------

_Reallyoldvolturileader and blondiebarbie has signed out _


	5. challenge:

**sorry i havent updatedany of this for a while but here you go:P**

_Klutzyhumannowvampire and lilpixievamp has signed in_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: (sigh) thank god we're out of those chains! I had an inch on my ear and I couldn't scratch it!

Lilpixievamp: bella, we don't get itchy. We're vampires remember?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: huh really? I swear I had an itch. Oh well at least we're out gain

Lilpixievamp: yeah I know. But I don't think Edward and jasper would be happy

Klutzyhumannowvampire: hmm. I didn't know I'm that strong! I'm stronger than Emmett!

Lilpixievamp: that was quite impressive bella. Yeah I think you are stronger than Emmett but I think that was because you still had some magic mushblood in your system

Klutzyhumannowvampire: alice! That 's so mean! I was about to get away with it if you didn't mention it

Lilpixievamp: get away with what bella?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: with people reading this actually believing that I'm stronger than Emmett!

Lilpixievamp: okayyy… sorry. Ok guys who are reading this pretend I didn't say anything and believe that bella is WAYY stronger than Emmett. Okay, if you don't well… let's just say… I know where you live…(evil laugh) ok. Done.

Klutzyhumannowvampire: thanks alice

_Muscularbearguy has signed in_

Muscularbearguy: hey little sisters! Aren't you supposed to be locked up?

Lilpixievamp and klutzyhumannovampire: hi Emmett (giggling)

Muscularbearguy: what? What so funny?

Lilpixievamp: yeah we are supposed to be locked up but because of bella here, we're free!!!

Klutzyhumannovampire: YEAH!!!!

Muscularbearguy: okay… so why are you so high, you didn't take more of that magic mushblood (magic mushroom mixed with blood) did you?

Lilpixievamp: oh no no. we just realised that bella is much much stronger than any vampire!

Klutzyhumannovampire: YEAH!

Muscularbearguy: (scoffs) I doubt that!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: well how did you expect me to breaking those titanium chains? Huh? Huh?

Muscularbearguy: did you really? Wow! I bet anyone could have. Me especially. I could have chewed it and spit it back completely flattened and destroyed.

Klutzyhumannovampire: are you doubting my strength Emmett?

Muscularbearguy: oh no. no I'm not. (being sarcastic)

Klutzyhumannovampire: oh I get! You think I'm not that strong… well how about I prove it.

Lilpixievamp: yeah! With an arm wrestling match!

Muscularbearguy: easy peesy:D

Klutzyhumannowvampire: yeah right… just don't go home to esme asking her to punish me 'cos I kicked your butt again!

Muscualrbearguy: grrr… we'll see!

Lilpixievamp: oh this so gonna be fun!

Muscularbearguy: you'll regret challenging me lil sis!

_Sexyvamp4ever has signed in_

Sexyvampire4ever: bella! You escaped! And why is Emmett err… well he kind of looks constipated

Muscularbearguy: shut up Edward!

Klutzyhumannovampire: hi Edward! I'm going to kick emmett's butt again in arm wrestling!

Sexyvamp4ever: wha?

Muscularbearguy: okay! When do you want to do this bella?!

Lilpixievamp: touchy(giggles)

Muscularbearguy: shut up alice!

Lilpixievamp: sorry(giggles again)

Klutzyhujmannovampire: tomorrow, 3:00 outside and you'd probably want to put padding on your butt 'copss it is going to get mutilated!

Sexyvamp4ever: bella?!

Klutzyhumannovampire: later Edward :D

Lilpixievamp, klutzyhumannowvampire, muscularbearguy, sexyvamp4ever has signed out


	6. MAGIC MUSHBLOOD!

**The next day :)**

_Sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumannovampire has signed in_

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella… what were you and Emmett talking about? And how did you manage to break those titanium chains?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: it's cool isn't it? I'm really strong now!

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella, I think that might because of-

Klutzyhumannowvampire: because of what Edward?

_Lilpixievamp has signed in_

Lilpixievamp: Edward! Don't!

Sexyvamp4ever: wha-? Oh okay. Err... because you have another special power??...

Lilpixievamp:(sigh)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh Edward! Do you really think so? You're going to have a reward for that one….

Lilpixievamp: eurgh Bella!

Sexyvamp4ever: huh-? Oh… can I have it now?...

Lilpixievamp: Edward!

Sexyvamp4ever: sorry Alice…

Klutzyhumannowvampire: later Edward…

Lilpixievamp: urgh... anyway. Bella you need to prepare for your match, although i don't how you could prepare, but if Emmett beats you...well i see really ugly things...

Sexyvamp4ever: Alice!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: what?! Oh don't do that telepathic talk again! I'm here you know! I want to know!

Lilpixievamp: well if Emmett beats you, errr... well do you remember the promise he had to keep when you first beat him?... well if he wins... that's going to get cancelled and i don't think Charlie or anyone would like what he'd say....

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh please! He's not going to beat me!

Lilpixievamp: you sure? Cos i can see it happening, well one of the things that might happen, if you don't prepare

Sexyvamp4ever: you two! You're giving me a headache – that's a figure of speech cos we can't really get them... I think. Okay. So let me know if I missed something. First you challenged Emmett to an arm wrestling again. Second if Bella doesn't win... well everyone's going to have a MAJOR headache. And third Bella needs to prepare but we don't know how. Did i get all of that right??

Lilpixievamp: yup! Wait! You missed something!

Sexyvamp4ever: what?

Lilpixievamp: Emmett is REALLY pissed!

Sexyvamp4ever: i assumed he would be but that capitalised 'REALLY' made it even worse. So how is bella going to prepare?

Lilpixievamp: don't know... what do you think Bella???... Bella?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh uh sorry. I think I know how to prepare myself...(eyes lighting up)

Lilpixievamp and sexyvamp4ever: uh-oh. No Bella! You know what happens to you...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: well I can't let him make fun of my sex life again! I don't care! I'm drinking more of that magic mushblood (magic mushroom mixed with blood) thingy

Sexyvamp4ever: no! Definitely not! You wanted to go to the volturi the last time! Who knows what you'd want to do next!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: but Edward! I'm not the only one who's going to be affected by this! You are too you know. You're my husband remember?!

Sexyvamp4ever: (thinking about what Bella said) ohhhhh... yes ok. I see your point but that means that I'd have to lock you up again ad i really don't like that.

Klutzyhumannowvampire: i know i know Edward. Well you could lock me up with you...

Sexyvamp4ever: now that's a good idea, but you'd be so hyper that'd you'd be talking about the most random things! Wait! I could deink some too!

Lilpixievamp: oh no no no no! Edward you can't! Think clearly now! You'd be so overly weird and hyper like bella and i don't think that would be any good. In fact i can see it won't be any good!

Sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumannowvampire: (still drink th magic mushblood anyway)

Lilpixievamp: guys? OH NO..!

Sexyvamp4ever: what's the matter alice?

Lilpixievamp: what? Aren't you supposed to be hyper?

Sexyvmp4ever: err... I dunno...( having a spastic moment)

**sorry if the up coming fight is not this chapter i just wanted to put this in:)**

**reviews please!**


	7. sprite and smarties:D

Chapter 7

Lilpixievamp: Edward??..

Sexyvamp4ever: alice? Alice!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: Alice!

Lilpixievamp: WTF?

Sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumannowvampire: alice alice alice alice alice alice alice!

Lilpixievamp: okaayyy... i knew you shouldn't have take the magic mushblood but i guess seeing Edward like this is quite amusing :D i better go find jasper

Sexyvamp4ever: alice.... can you do something for me???

Lilpixievamp: err... that depends... what is it???

Sexyvamp4ever: can we...... have smarties please!!!! Please please please!!!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: yeah yeah(pupils dilating) and sprite too!!!!!!! Alice please please!!!...

Lilpixievamp: okay...(starts calling jasper and telling him to get titanium chains) ok yes yes. In a minute i have to get them first. I wonder if i was like this (sigh)

Sexyvamp4ever: alice... hurry up!!!!

Lilpixievamp: Edward you know we can't eat or drink! You'll have to eventually get it out of your stomach again you know!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: we don't care!!!!!!! WE WANT SMARTIES AND SPRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Emotionaldude has signed in_

Emotionaldude: alice! Why did you want the titanium cha- ohhhhhh.... alice how could you??!

Lilpixievamp: it wasn't me!!!! anyway.... tie them up first while i get them some smarties and sprite

Emotionaldude: WTF?

Lilpixievamp: later, tie them up! brb

Emotionaldude: okay okay!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: jasper! They you come with some smarties and sprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

Emotionaldude: err. Sorry bella i don't have any... alice is getting some though:D

Sexyvamp4ever: GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD!!!

Emotionaldude: you do realise we cant eat them....

Klutzyhumannowvampire and sexyvamp4ever: (glaring at jasper)

Emotionaldude: but i guess you could... ehehe... where is alice!?

Lipixievamp: back! Here you go. But first you two need to promise me not to escape or else you wouldn't get more.

Sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumannowvampire: give give give give give give!!!!

Emotionaldude: now. Explain.

Lilpixievamp: well bella challenged Emmett to an arm wrestling again but she obviously cant beat him without the side effects of magic mushblood so yeah...

Emotionaldude: and Edward??....

Lilpixievamp: i don't know, i think he just wanted to get away with bella being really annoying so he decided to take some

Emotionaldude: and now they've ended up annoying us instead! Great!

Lilpixievamp: i can see that you know and i'm seeing something else. Edwa-!

Sexyvamp4ever: EWWWWWWW! THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: what is??...(chomping on handfuls of smarties and glugging down a big bottle of sprite) this is really ni-! ohh.. urgh...!!!

Emotionaldude: i think it's wearing off

Lilpixievamp: it seems like it. That was quick!

Emotionaldude: tell me about it

Sexyvamp4ever: i think i'm going to be sick!

Lilpixievamp: i don't think you can...(sniggering)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: me too!

(Edward and bella being sick------ not very nice thing to describe so i'm not putting too much detail)

(bella and Edward seeming to be sick but in a vampire-y way – coughing, and putting a big ladle down their throats trying scoop out the remains of the smarties and sprite. Then splatting them everywhere including alice and jasper)

Lilpixievamp: eurhh! You two are disgusting!!!

Emotionaldude: i agree. And i think the readers agree too.

Lilpixievamp, sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumannowvampire: how do you know that?

Emotionaldude: i'm emotionaldude remember? God vampires these days!(gay voice)

Lilpixievamp, sexyvamp4ever and klutzyhumannowvampire: oh yeahhh?? Hehe..

Sexyvamp4ever: hey what's with the voice?

Emotionaldude: eherm.. err..huh what voice?(normal but slightly macho voice)

Sexyvamp4ever: omg jasper?

Lilpixievamp: what?

Sexyvamp4ever: oh nothing, i think i'm hearing things

Lilpixievamp: don't you always??? LOL

Klutzyhumnnowvampire: anyway.... i think i'm prepared, can someone go get Emmett?

_Muscularbearguy has signed in_

Muscularbearguy: no need. I'm here and i'm ready.

Klutzyhumannowvampire: you sure? Did prepare your butt too? LOL

Muscularbearguy: whatever bella! You know... i think you should win too. As when i do, you'd be so sorry and poor Charlie and Edward here would probably want to stuff their ears with anything they could find after i opened my mouth... mwahahahaha(evil laugh)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: (looking nervous) yeah..ehehe.. ryt

(bella and Emmett finding a big enough rock for them to arm wrestle. They positioned themselves on opposite sides of the big boulder of rock and locked their hands together.)

Sexyvamp4ever: ok. The fight is on. This is gonna be great!

Lilpixievamp: uh-oh i'm not sure about that.

TO BE CONTINUED!

**REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!! **


	8. the fight and some weirdness

Sexyvamp4ever: ok. The fight is on. This is gonna be great!

Lilpixievamp: uh-oh I'm not sure about that.

Sexyvamp4ever: what do you mean ali- oh no!

(The fight started Bella struggles but Emmett wins effortlessly)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: WHAT!? HOW!? ARRHHGGGG!!!! NO!!(Begins to sob but not cry because vampires can't cry)

Muscularbearguy: HA! I told ya I was stronger than you! Keep dreaming Bella! You should have never challenged me!

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella, love? Are you okay?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: okay?! How can I be okay Edward!? I just lost and I'm going to get mutilated with Emmett there making fun of my sex life or even worse!

Sexyvamp4ever: oh uh sorry...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: it's okay it's not your fault, I challenged him so it's my fault.

Lilpixievamp: I don't understand, the magic mushblood should have worked.

Klutzyhumannowvampire: (sobs even more)

Muscularbearguy: huh? Magic mushblood? What's that?

Lilpixievamp: nothing!

Muscularbearguy: Alice...

Lilpixievamp: well it's this thing that you mix with blood and makes you...

Muscularbearguy: stronger???...

Lilpixievamp: well yeah kind of, but...

Muscularbearguy: cool! Can I have some?

Sexyvamp4ever: NO! Definitely not!

Muscularbearguy: okay okay. Chill bro... get it chill, we're ice cold? Haha! See yers! I'm out!

_Muscularbearguy has signed out_

Sexyvamp4ever: okay, do NOT give Emmett any of the magic mushblood. I don't think it would be a good thing to give her any.

Lilpixievamp: I know so. I'm just still puzzled why the magic mushblood didn't work.

Emotionaldude: well maybe because you had smarties and sprite?

Lilpixievamp: yeah that's a possibility. So what happens now?

Sexyvamp4ever: we get annoyed of Emmett's sexual innuendos and I think Rosalie might actually get on with her wedding, now that Emmett is really happy.

Lilpixievamp: oh yeah I forgot about that. I still can't forgive her for how she treated me. Stupid blonde!

Sexyvamp4ever: / :) huh?

Lilpixievamp: never mind. Jasper you're a bit quiet today. Is something wrong?

Emotionaldude: am I? I don't know. I probably just don't feel like being chatty today (shrug)

Lilpixievamp: uh, okay:) come on then. Let's go shopping.

Emotionaldude: now, how did I not know that?

Lilpixievamp: bye Edward. See you later.

Emotionaldude: bye.

_Emotionaldude and Lilpixievamp has signed out_

Sexyvamp4ever: okay. I really think something's wrong with jasper. He keeps blocking his thoughts with random things. I wonder what he's hiding.

Reallyoldvolturileader: well well... who's got a secret Edward?

Sexyvamp4ever: what?! Aro?

Reallyoldvolturileader: yes Edward. Why doesn't anyone know who I am when I start talking to them?

Sexyvamp4ever: well I dint add you so I wouldn't know

Reallyoldvolturileader: I added you (pouting)

Sexyvamp4ever: really? Well I didn't know sorry

Reallyoldvolturileader: whatever edwarder

Sexyvamp4ever:???

Reallyoldvolturileader: soooooo......... who's hiding something?

Sexyvamp4ever: what? No one

Reallyoldvolturileader: oh come one Edward! You were typing something about someone hiding something. I want D-E-T-A-I-L-S!

Sexyvamp4ever: oh that..... I was practicing for my drama class. The school I'm enrolling to has a drama department and I like drama so I'm preparing

Reallyoldvolturileader: okay... so like Shakespeare and stuff?

Sexyvamp4ever: yeah...

Reallyoldvolturileader: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?  
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;  
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love  
And I'll no longer be a Capulet. (In a female voice)

Sexyvamp4ever: .... isn't that supposed to be a girl's line?

Reallyoldvolturileader: you calling me gay?

Sexyvamp4ever: no I just –

Reallyoldvolturileader: but are you calling me gay though?

Sexyvamp4ever: no sorry-

Reallyoldvolturileader: are you calling me gay though? I'm not gay but are you calling me gay?

Sexyvamp4ever: n-no Aro I'm not saying you're gay

Reallyoldvolturileader: there! You just said I am!

Sexyvamp4ever: oh I can't be bothered with is! I'm out!

_Sexyvamp4ever has signed out_

Reallyoldvolturileader: whatever! I don't care! And I'm NOT gay! Maybe girly... but I'M NOT GAY!

_Reallyoldvolturileader has signed out_

**Reviews please! Need incentives!!!**


	9. deja vu

**This is for Can't-Live-Without-Twilight. Hey dudette!**

**Character addition**

**Carlisle – fatherlydoc**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Sexyvamp4ever and Klutzyhumannowvampire has signed in_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: hi eddy bear!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: hi Bella... hellooo?.. Is Aro there??..

Klutzyhumannowvampire: WTF Edward? Are you cheating on me with Aro?

Sexyvamp4ever: what!? No! It's just he's been adding us without us knowing

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ohhh... good... you're not cheating on me... I can't even handle being defeated and about to be mauled by shame and embarrassment when Emmett starts talking so I can't afford you cheating on me. Especially with Aro!

Sexyvamp4ever: ok ok... calm down... well anyway. I kind of upset him

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ok is that why you're so paranoid??? (smirks)

Sexyvamp4ever: yeh but I kind of accidentally called him gay

Klutzyhumannowvampire: YOU DID WHAT?!

Sexyvamp4ever: I accidentally called Aro gay...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ye ye I heard you the first time. Duhh super hearing!

Sexyvamp4ever: well you asked

Klutzyhumannowvampire: anyway... you shouldn't have done that! He'll probably kill you now

Sexyvamp4ever: ye I know... I didn't mean to... he started talking like Catherine Tate and you know how I hate Catherine Tate and well... I just couldn't bear it and bang! I kind of slipped

Klutzyhumannowvampire: OMG!

Sexyvamp4ever: what!? Is it Aro? Hide me! MOMMY!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: no you paranoid vampire!

Sexyvamp4ever: pheww... then what?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: you lost your temper!

Sexyvamp4ever: ye so?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: well you (talks gibberish)

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella stop the gibberish please...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: sorry eddywarddy... sooo???... oh no! I can see Aro!!!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: what?!where?! Hide me!! (Cries like a baby) I don't want to die

Klutzyhumannowvampire: (laughs like mad) I knew it! You really are paranoid!

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: I know what you need! You'll feel like the least paranoid person or vampire in the world!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: what are you talking about Bella?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: MAGIC MUSHBLOOD!

Sexyvamp4ever: you know I can't Bella...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: really Edward? You know magic mushblood has anti-paranoia side effects....

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella stop tempting me...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: anti-paranoia... anti-paranoia... anti-paranoia...

Sexyvamp4ever: okay okay... what about you?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: I'll drink some of it too of course!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: I don't think that's very good idea...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: anti-paranoia... anti-paranoia... anti-paranoia...

Sexyvamp4ever: okay... I might night hurt that much...

(Edward and Bella gets a bottle of magic mushblood each and drinks up)(loads of burping an weird noises)(eyes dilate and hair become really messy)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: WHOAHHHHHHH!!!!! Let's go swimming!!!!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: YEAAHHHHHHH!!!! I'LL BRING MY FLOWERY SWIM SUIT AND MY FRUITY TOOTY SUN CREAM!!!(gay voice)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: no I want the flowery swimsuits!!!!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: no I want them!!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: okay I'll have the very cool sunglasses then. HA!

Sexyvamp4ever: NOOO!!! (starts crying) I want them!!!

_Fatherlydoc has signed in_

Fatherlydoc: what the in the world is going on!!!!!

(Bella and Edward stops fighting)

Sexyvamp4ever: nothing daddy.... (burps)

Fatherlydoc: (sniffs the air) wait. Where did you get the magic mushrooms from??? Have you been looking through my cabinet again Edward??? Do you know how dangerous they could be!!!!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ooooooohhhhhh... daddy's getting annngggrrryy...

Fatherlydoc: Bella...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: sorry

Sexyvap4ever: it wasn't me...

Fatherlydoc: yeah? Who was it then? The tooth fairy?

Sexyvamp4ever: YEAH! She gave us blood so we drank it... hehehe I'm smart!

Fatherlydoc: Edward...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: no Edward, it wasn't the tooth fairy... it was my fairy godmother!

Sexyvamp4ever: ye that's right! Oh I'm so stupid!

Fatherlydoc: oh stop it you two!

Sexyvamp4ever and Klutzyhumannowvampire: sorry Carlisle

Fatherlydoc: go to your bed room and tie yourself with titanium chains or do you want me to send Emmett and jasper to tie you two up?

Sexyvamp4ever: naw... we'll be fine...

Fatherlydoc: I'll get jasper and Emmett just in case... go on then...

(Bella and Edward walk off)

Fatherlydoc: kids!

_Fatherlydoc has signed out_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: c'mon Edward... you don't really expect us to not be hyper do you!!!!!(Squeaky voice)

Sexyvamp4ever: yeeeeaaahhh!!!! Let's gooooo ride a plane!!!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: nawww that's lame

Sexyvamp4ever: what then?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: let's go ride motorbikes and crash them!

Sexyvamp4ever: that's a good idea! Let's get Jacob too!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: yeah! I'm sure the wolfyboy would love to join us!! Yey!!

Sexcyvamp4ever: let's go!!


	10. motorbikes and weirdness

******Sorry i haven't updated for a while :). I was kind of being lazy for the past few days and i have an exam next week so it was all revision this week! Boring stuff! But here you go :D**

**Character addition**

**Jacob – alphawolfyguy**

**Renesmee – sweethalfvampiregirl **

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_Sexyvamp4ever and Klutzyhumannowvampire has signed in_

Sexyvam4ever: Bella.... we need to sneak out first! I don't know how...! (Kid's voice)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: I know how...

(Mission impossible theme)(Da da da dadadum da da da dadadum da da da dadadum... dadadum dadadum dadadum dadum...)

(They go out the front door)

Sexyvamp4ever: cool! You could replace tom cruise!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: yeah, I know. I'm A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Sexyvamp4ever: that's not how you spell it! It's B-O-R-I-N-G

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh yeah... I'm B-O-R-I-N-G!

Sexyvamp4ever: now we're out, let's go to Jacob's!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: you know what I've noticed?

Sexyvamp4ever: what?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: you fancy Jacob... (Wolf whistle)

Sexyvamp4ever: no I don't! Well... he's really tanned and I'm not

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ooohhh.... you're jealous of him!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: shut up Bella!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oooohoooh...

(Bella and Edward go to Jacob's house)

_Alphawolfyguy has signed in_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: Hi Jacob!!!!!!!

Alphawolfyguy: Bella? Edward?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: Edward fancies you!!

Sexyvamp4ever: no I don't! I just like your tan...

Alphawolfyguy: WTF?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: (Edward fancies you)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: soooo.... can we borrow your motorbike?

Alphawolfyguy: ok... why???

(Bella and Edward goes to the motorbikes really quick and rides them)

Klutzyhumannowvampire and Sexyvamp4ever: oh we're going to crash them!

Alphawolfyguy: what?! No! You can't! You can't! Renesmee!!! (Cries)

_Sweethalfvampiregirl has signed in_

Sweethalfvampiregirl: yes my Jacob...? What's the matter?

Alphawolfyguy: wahhhhh! They're going to crash my motorbikes!!! Wahhhh!

Sweethalfvampiregirl: who?

Alphawolfyguy: your parents!! Wahhh!

Sweethalfvampiregirl: mum! Dad! Have you been stealing drugs from grandpa Carlisle again?

Klutzyhumannowvampire and Sexyvamp4ever: what..?? You know us darling... we wouldn't do that kind of thing (giggling)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: yeah.... riiiggghhhttt.... you did, didn't you?

Klutzyhumannowvampire and Sexyvamp4ever: no.... don't you believe us? (Still giggling)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: ok, now I can say that you did steal some... (Sigh)

Alphawolfyguy: I didn't know vampires could be drugged. That's a first! How though?

Sweethalfvampiregirl: well it's kind of easy. You mix blood with some sort of drug, then drink

Alphawolfyguy: that's reasonable, can I have some?

Sweethalfvampiregirl: you certainly cannot for a couple of reasons. First: you don't really drink blood, second: it might not work on you, third: I won't let you, and so on and so forth!

Alphawolfyguy: ok... relax... chill.... I won't (not now anyway)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: what did you say?

Alphawolfyguy: nothing... I said ok :) (eyes fluttering, sweet smile)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: ok :)

(Loud crashing noises)

Alphawolfyguy: NO!!!!!! My motorbikes!!!! (Cries and turns into a wolf)

(Edward and bella guffaw)

(Jacob charges towards them)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: Jacob! No! Heal dog!

(Jacob stops and lays on the ground)

(Edward and bella laugh even more; Jacob growls at them)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: heal Jacob! And stop it you two!

Klutzyhumannowvampire and Sexyvamp4ever: whatever you say grandma


	11. random stuff!

**Review please! Oh and i don't own the harry potter characters they talk about...reviews!**

Chapter 11

Alphawolfyguy: (giving Bella and Edward the evils)

Sexyvamp4ever: seriously though, did my daughter just said 'heal' to stop you attacking us? (Still laughing)

Alphawolfyguy: (loud growling)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: Jacob... calm down.

(Jacob starts to calm down but interrupted by Edward)

Sexyvamp4ever: oh no! No! Jacob! Don't! We don't want to see your naked but! Our eyes will burn!!! Oh the pain!!!(Bursts out laughing)

(Bella joins in with Edward, laughing really loud)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: (giving her parents evils) now Jacob, would you go inside and calm down and put on clothes while you're there please. We don't want my parents' eyes burning do we? (Still giving her parents the evils)

(Jacob goes inside his house and a few minutes later comes back fully dressed and calm. Ish)

Alphawolfyguy: (gritting his teeth) I will get you back for this you two!

(Bella and Edward didn't seem to hear him as the magic mushblood was wearing off. They looked like they were having a fit, shaking on the floor. Finally they stood up not remembering what happened)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: hi Jacob. Umm... what are we doing here?

Alphawolfyguy: you mean...you don't know what happened?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: something happened?

(Edward's reading Jacob's mind)

Sexyvamp4ever: yes love, something did happen. And I, I mean we are so sorry for what we've done.

Klutzyhumannowvampire: what did we do?

Sexyvamp4ever: we mutilated his bikes... again... sorry for that Jacob

Klutzyhumannowvampire: OMG! Did we really? We are so sorry Jacob! But how could we have done that? And I can't remember anything.

Sexyvamp4ever: oh... I do. Bella we drank magic mushblood remember? And well it leads to loads of things...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: yeah I remember now. You drank it so that you can forget about Aro probably thinking on killing you right?

Sexyvamp4ever: and u just reminded me...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oops

Sexyvamp4ever: oh well... I suppose I need to apologise to Aro I didn't mean it anyway

Alphawolfyguy: why? What did you do? And don't forget that you owe me for breaking my bikes!

Sexyvamp4ever: again, sorry for your bikes. We'll make sure that we make it up to you.

Alphawolfyguy: you didn't answer my first question vampy

Sexyvamp4ever: well... errr..... ummm....... wellll....

Klutzyhumannowvampire: he called Aro gay

Alphawolfyguy and sweethalfvampiregirl: YOU DID WHAT?

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella... I wanted to make it sound less severe than that...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: well they had to know somehow! And how are you going to make it sound nice? You just can't!

Alphawolfyguy and sweethalfvampiregirl: you called Aro gay!

(Jacob laughing his head off; Renesmee really sad)

Alphawolfyguy: haaaahaaahaaahaaa! You called Aro gay! I should have seen your expressions!! Hahahaha! I bet Aro is pissed! And you are dead meat eddy! Wait! Let me rephrase that, you're double dead meat! Get it? You're already dead and you're going to die again?... hahahaha

(Edward becoming even more depressed)

Sweethalfvampiregirl: oh dad! That's so horrible. What's going to happen now? Is Aro coming to get you? I don't want him to (starts to cry)

Alphawolfyguy: I think its funn-(Renesmee giving him evils) uh I mean I think it's just so terrible!

Sexyvamp4ever: well I think we need to ask Alice bout that...

_Lilpixievamp has signed in_

Lilpixievamp: I've seen you needing me so I signed in just in time to answer your questions for your sake: D

Sexyvamp4evr: hi Alice... can u see someone killing me? And is I Aro?

Lilpixievamp: I'll see. Be back in a mo

(---------------------------------------------------Alice having visions-------------------------------------------------------)

Lilpixievamp: whoa! That was weird!

Sexyvamp4ever: weird? So is someone-Aro- going to kill me or planning to?

Lilpixievamp: no but, you're going to find something out and it's just weird I couldn't see who or what it was! I know it's not werewolf stuff because it's different from it. Hmmm...

Sexyvamp4ever: phewwww.... are you sure he's not out to get me?

Lilpixievamp: yes I'm sure and I'm sure that he's forgotten about you little conversation too. Just try not to mention it. So no apologising!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: YAY! Does that mean I still get to keep Edward for eternity?

Lilpixievamp: of course you sausage! Weren't you listening to me? Jeez

Klutzyhumannowvampire: sorry sis :)

Lilpixievamp: yes yes. Anyway, I've got to go now. Jasper needs me :) Tara!

_Lilpixievamp has signed out_

Sexyvamp4ever: sooooo..... I'm bored. Since I'm not getting killed anymore, I feel that everything's just gotten boring. So what can we do?

Alphawolfyguy: well... you could start making up to me...?

Sexyvamp4ever: that's a good idea for tomorrow I want to do something different today...

Alphawolfyguy: fine by me...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: Let's watch harry potter!

Sexyvamp4ever: which one my love?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: the one with your look alike of course!

Sexyvamp4ever: and which one is the one?

Sweethalfvampiregirl: it's the fourth one!

Alphawolfyguy: and how did you know that?

Sweethalfvampiregirl: I've read the books and I'm kind of a harry potter geek: D. Do you still like me even though I'm a harry potter geek freak?

Alphawolfyguy: ye ok. But you should really watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl! Sharkboy is so awesome!

Sweethalfvampiregirl: ok.... let's go!

(They watched the film and Renesmee practically narrated the film for them and she complained about how the book is so different to the film how the book is so much better. Bell went on about how Cedric Diggory looked so much like Edward and the possibility that they could be twins. Edward spent the whole time comparing himself to Cedric. He'd said 'well I sparkle and he doesn't. I have a cool bouffant. I'm a vampire. I'm cold and dead. I'm strong and fast...' etc. Jacob went on about how stupid the film was and how stupid Voldemort' nose looked like. He also argued that Sharkboy and Lavagirl are better characters than Cedric Diggory and harry potter.)

-----------------------------------------------------------after the film---------------------------------------------------------

Alphawolfyguy: oh i have never seen a movie so crap before! And that Cedric Diggory dude! Oh he looked so ugly! And he looked so much like you Edward (blegh)

Sexyvamp4ever: shut up Jacob! he didn't look like me! i have a cool bouffant and i'm much more good looking!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: actually... h kind of looked like you Edward.... that's really weird... are you related to him?

Sexyvamp4ever: no i don't look like him! You're supposed to be on my side here bella! And i'm not related to him!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: sorry

Sweethalfvampiregirl: well you kind of do daddy, it's just so weird. Especially when he died! He looked as pale as you!

Sexyvamp4ever: oh not you too! I don't look like him and i'm not related to him! I don't even know him!

All of them except for Edward: whatever!

They all sign out

**Reviews please!**


	12. Jasper!

**sorry i haven't written anything for a while pips! i've had an exam packed week this week and i was really busy studying. but here you go! REVIEWSS!**

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_Klutzyhumannowvampire and sexyvamp4ever has signed in_

Klutzyhumannowvampire: hey Edward!

Sexyvamp4ever: hi Bella, are you okay?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: yeah I'm good! How are you?

Sexyvamp4ever: well... not so okay....

Klutzyhumannowvampire: what's the matter?

Sexyvamp4ever: well... I' was hanging out with Emmett and jasper last night... you know having bro time. When Emmett asked jasper a question....

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh no! Jasper didn't know the answer!

Sexyvamp4ever: noo...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh...jasper cried?

Sexyvamp4ever: bella...can you-

Klutzyhumannowvampire: he peed himself? Puked? What Edward! What?! Stop stopping! Sheesh!

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella (rolling his eyes) ok are you finished interrupting me now?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: I wasn't interrupting you! You just kept stopping...

Sexyvamp4ever: ok ok... well Emmett asked jasper about something related to shopping and cardigans and woolly jumpers and that and....

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh... and then...?

Sexyvamp4ever: well he kind of went stiff and images flashed in his head...and...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh Edward! Can you please stop putting ellipses on everything!!! It's annoying me!!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: b...u...t... w...h...y... b...e...l...l...a...?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: (evil stare)

Sexyvamp4ever: anyway... the images were really weird because I saw him in a youth club......knitting....

Klutzyhumannowvampire: you're doing it again…

Sexyvamp4ever: so did you! Ha!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: wait! What?! Did you just say knitting?! But jasper is an ex-soldier! He can't be in a silly knitting club!!!!

Sexyvam4ever: that was what I though at first, but he couldn't control his thoughts round me anymore. He knows that I know his secrets.

Klutzyhumannowvampire: oh I wonder what Alice is going to say about that

Sexyvamp4ever: oh Alice knows, and that's not the only thing jasper's hiding. When Emmett was asking him about it, he couldn't think of something else anymore. Did you know that jasper works at the hairdressers?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: whoa… now that is just… why? Alice?

Sexyvamp4ever: yes. Alice.

_Lilpixievamp has signed in_

Lilpixievamp: what did I do now?

Sexyvamp4ever: why have you been torturing jasper?

Lilpixievamp: what kind of question is that? I don't torture my husband!

Sexyvamp4ever: oh sorry I forgot. You don't think that signing him up in a knitting club and giving him a job in a hairdresser isn't a way of torturing someone in any way whatsoever!

Lilpixievamp: I didn't sign him up him of for a knitting club and I didn't give him a job in a hairdresser! You know that I don't get on with knitted stuff as well as the others. Except cashmere of course.

Sexyvamp4ever: Alice… just own up already… I can read minds you know...

Lilpixievamp: ok ok… I did it…sheeshh!

Sexyvamp4ever: see I told you Bella…

Klutzyhumannowvampire: but why?

Sexyvamp4ever: (giving an encouraging look with a raised eyebrow)

Lilpixievamp: ok Edward! Just don't do that! I got him to do those so he could play with me!!! I wanted him to be able to do my hair and all that you know… it's just for fun!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ohhhh…. Cool!

Sexyvamp4ever: Bella, how can you think that's cool? Jasper is suffering because of this…

_Emotionaldude has signed in_

Emotionaldude: actually I'm not Edward… as long as it makes my lovely wife happy… I'll do it. You let Bella hang out with Jacob before just because it made her happy. That's how it is for me Edward.

(Alice gives jasper a lovey dovey and a grateful look)

(Edward winced after jasper's little speech)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ohhhh… that's so sweet…

Sexyvamp4ever: ok then… but does it bother you jasper?

Emotionaldude: sometimes… but I actually enjoy it sometimes… did you know that some of the Volturi joined the knitting club too?

Sexyvamp4ever: okkkkkk

Klutzyhumannowvampire: whoa! That's so awesome! I think Felix is soo cute!

Sexyvamp4ever: (glaring at Bella) what was that my love?

Klutzyhuamannowvampire: I said Felix is cute!!!

Sexyvamp4ever: ok that's it! No sex for a month!

Klutzyhumannowvampire: no no no no no! What I meant to say is that he's cute because he reminds me of my cat. He's called Felix too… you're so possessive sometimes Edward…. (Sigh)

Sexyvamp4ever: ohh ok. Just forget what I said earlier ok? And I AM NOT POSSESSIVE!

All of them except Edward: OH YES YOU ARE!

(Edward turns to you with a guilty expression on his face)

Sexyvamp4ever: am I really?

(This is the bit where you say your opinion)

Lilpixievamp: see! We told you!

Sexyvamp4ever: hey! They didn't even say anything!

Emotionaldude: well they can't instantly join our conversation and type on here can they?

(Jasper turns to you)

Emotionaldude: if you think Edward is really possessive or not… give reviews please :D

**--------------------------------------------------------TO BE CONTINUED----------------------------------------------------**

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**Reviews please!**


	13. AWKWARD

**hey dudes! I really likeD writing this one so i hope you'd like it too!**

** word of the day-----AWKWARD!**

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT:(**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Later on--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Emotionaldude: see! We told you you're possessive! All the people who gave reviews said that you were! That settles it!

Sexyvamp4ever: whatever EMO!

Emotionaldude: I am not emo Edward!

Sexyvamp4ever: watevs…emo

Emotionaldude: chav!

(Edward and jasper have a cat fight)

Lilpixievamp and Klutzyhumannowvampire: are you two done now?

(Jasper and Edward didn't even notice them and continued, having a thumb wrestling match now)

Lilpixievamp: I guess not, hey do you want to hear something really funny?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: funnier than Edward wearing a thong?

Lilpixievamp: WHAT!?

Klutzyhumannowvampire: uh-oh….. I shouldn't have said that….

(Jasper and Edward stopped fighting, both frozen in shock)

Emotionaldude and Lilpixievamp: (big guffaw)

(Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Renesmee and Jacob's distant laughs echoed everywhere) (Bella started to join in too)

Sexyvamp4ever: (on the verge of crying) why? Why Bella? How can you do this to me?

(Edward runs away like a girl, tips a bin upside done and puts it on his head)

Sexyvamp4ever: I do not exist (muffled)

Klutzyhumannowvampire: but if you didn't exist….. I wouldn't want to either!!! (Bella runs away beside Edward, tips a bin upside done and puts it on her head)

(All of the others stopped laughing and stared at them funny)

_Muscularbearguy, Blondiebarbie, Alphawolfyguy and Sweethalfvampiregirl have signed in_

Lilpixievamp: AWKWARD….

Emotionaldude: anyway… what were you going to say Alice?

Lilpixievamp: oh ryt! Who wants to hear something funny?...and it's probably funnier than Edward wearing a thong…

Alphawolfyguy: I do! But I doubt it it's going to be funnier than Edward's case... (Sneering)

(Renesmee gives Jacob a deadly look and he fell silent instantly)

Lilpixievamp: AWKWARD….

Emotionaldude: you already said that

Lilpixievamp: AWKWARD…..AGAIN…

Sweethalfvampiregirl: oh just get on with what you were saying already!

Lilpixievamp: ooohhhooooohhhh! Sorry!

Alphawolfyguy: sorry Alice…. It's that time in the month….

(Renesmee shot Jacob another deadly look again and he looked like he was paralyzed)

Lilpixievamp: AWKWARD!!! FOR THE 3RD TIME!!............well………anyway……. jasper here mentioned that some of the Volturi went to knitting club with him an-

Alphawolfyguy: jasper goes to a knitting club?! Hahahahahahaha! That's so hilarious!

(As soon as Alice started to stare at him he shut his mouth up, doing the zipping movement over his mouth) ok...I'll shut up now

Lilpixievamp: you better do unless you want to be silenced forever

Emotionaldude: anyway... go on Alice...

Lilpixievamp: well I just saw a quick vision about them and they're going to the knitting club today...so I thought we could go there and you know have 'fun'

(Edward and Bella took off the bins from on top of their heads and dashed to the computers, knowing what laic was on about)

Sexyvamp4ever: I like what you're thinking sis

Lilpixievamp: thank you bro

Emotionaldude: err we can't read minds you know...but I can sense your excitement and it's making me feel anxious

Lilpixievamp: well... Aro, Caius, Marcus, Jane and Alec are going to the knitting club an-

(Jacob let out a small sneer and calmed himself almost at the same time)

Lilpixievamp: and I thought that we could join them and sabotage their work!!! Mwahahaha

Emotionaldude: ok. My wife hasn't gone bonkers, let me explain. In knitting club, we get rewards for doing well. Aro is really competitive and practically threatens the rest of the Volturi if they don't do well. SO... if we sabotage their work...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: we could get the reward!!!?

Emotionaldude: yes... but that's not the answer I was looking for...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: ooh ooh ooh! I know, I know! Aro can't be teacher's pet?

Emotionaldude: no Bella... he'll get really angry and annoyed and that would be really funny...

Klutzyhumannowvampire: that's what I said! See! I'm so clever...

Sexyvamp4ever: I think the smell of the bin was too much for her...c'mon Bella let's get you some fresh air

Klutzyhumannowvampire: OKAY! Aren'ty iy smarty edwardy? Iy answeredy jazzy's questiony!

Sexyvamp4ever: yes, yes Bella...ok ok

_Sexyvamp4ever and Klutzyhumannowvampire have signed out_

Emotionaldude: AWKWARD...

Lilpixievamp: hey! That's MY line!

Emotionaldude: well sorry!

Alphawolfyguy: so how exactly are we going to sabotage him?

Sweethalfvampiregirl: and why would they go to a knitting club anyway?

Lilpixievamp: well they go to a knitting club because believe it or not, Aro is obsessed with wool and therefore knitting. And we are going to wait for a vision to come for our sabotage plan.

Alphawolfyguy: oh ok. That's sounds cool.

Lilpixievamp: but I think I might need to stay away from you two for a while...

Alphawolfyguy and sweethalfvampiregirl: yeah, that's ok

Alphawolfyguy: But how are we supposed to go on msn?

Lilpixievamp: haven't you heard of internet in cell phones?

Alphawolfyguy: what's a cell phone?

Lilpixievamp: OMG! YOU DON-

Alphawolfyguy: hey chill Alice, maybe you are already frozen but still. I was joking! I know what a stupid cell phone is!

Lilpixievamp: (rolls her eyes) ye I need to stay away from you to now so that I can see the vision and to avoid YOU Jacob Black.

Emotionaldude: and now... we wait!

_Everyone signs out_


End file.
